It feels rather weird writing my entry from Cardiff.
A whole chapter on London has ended for me. It feels like…this is it. I no longer have an address in the UK and could no longer call myself a Londoner. Not that I ever have, anyway, but still. And leaving behind the chaos of Beaux-Art along with Emir and Imar and my brother at Finsbury Park feels a bit melancholic. Not sad, but I have that homesick feeling at the back of my mind.
Leaving the house in its original condition, albeit slightly bruised.
I will definitely remember the times in Beaux-Arts with fond memories. From the happy times we sing and have terrible jokes to the sheer annoyance of sharing a house with two teenage boys (seriously, you guys don’t know to wipe the counter?). Even at the last moment, after we said farewell and feeling all ‘awwwww’ and sad, and leaving the house with happy thoughts the boys didn’t fail to irritatingly-amuse us by making me and Shaz sort 10 kg worth of shillings on Llyod’s coffee table just because they were too tired to pour it into a change-machine near our house!! We have this whole ‘balang’ of shillings weighing 10kg and Shaz had gotten the boys to carry it to Morrison near our house and dump it into the change-machine where it will be sorted out automatically and the machine will give you notes. They had carried the shillings all the way to a cafe to have breakfast, which is only metres away from Morrison!! They decided not to continue their quest to Morrison cause the shillings were too heavy and came back home with it! So, me and Shaz ended up carrying the 10kg weight, along with our BAGS all the way to Bayswater and then to Oxford Street to Lloyd’s bank and ended up sorting it manually into little plastic bags! Imagine, we spent good hour sorting 10kg worth of shillings that amounted to £60 just because!
Hahaha.
It was actually rather fun, so no hard-feelings.
Really?!
There are lots of things to miss about living in Beaux- Art. The trip to the gym’s shower everyday with Shaz because our shower doesn’t work, the ‘Radio Sumatera’ by Imar and Emir, their obsession with chat-roullete which seriously amused me and Shaz, the singing sessions, the heart-to-heart session, the dinner table family meals, the dodgy moments, birthdays, Imar and Emir serious sadness over one lost football match, sharing good news with each other and all other soppy stuff like that and getting into fights with Emir over everything from causing destruction to his little HALO models by creating earthquakes to teasing the hell out of each other. And really, just the moments we share together – like a family 
The End.
So, right now I am a fresh few hours into 23!!
It feels..different. I woke up checking my face if there would be anything amiss. Maybe a 23 stamped on my head, but no. I look perfectly 22.
Yesterday, about an hour before 12, I was a miserable lump at my desk. Cocooned in a fat duvet, writing furiously and sometimes stare dreamily outside the window, trying to get work done! I got hungry and there was no food in the house so I opened a can of chili tuna and warm it on the stove – only to realize there was no more bread. And realize, after I ate all of the tuna, that the tuna had expired.
I continued being a sad blimp on the mattress in the living room. I hate birthdays in May. My birthdays for the last 5 years have been a flurry event of hugging, kissing and getting back to work. May birthdays in British Education is FUN, no doubt. I always have fun with friends about. but it is a short-lived fun. A half-an-hour scream and joy before everything turned zombie again.
Then midnight came, and Aisyah called. We talked for awhile, and I felt slightly better.
I put down the phone turned to Shaz, and demanded a birthday song.
‘Shaz, cepat nyanyi untuk I’
All in a split second, the living room dimmed, Shaz ran out of her seat and Emir and Imar stood on top of the staircase, holding a plate of cakes with CANDLES and started singing!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! YEAY!!
I was screaming and clapping and jumping up and down!!
They gave me the sweetest card EVER!!! and Shaz gave me some LOVE 
Made the wishes, blew candles, cut cake, eat them – back to work.
Shaz is having her exam now. If I could have one wish on my birthday today, I wish her exam is going GREAT!
Oh yes, and the birthday wishes on Facebook really just make me smile
On a last note, a special wish to the loved ones I have the pleasure and joy of always sharing this day with you, all my life :
To Aisyah Zaffan, best friend since 1992, born a day shy of mine – Happy 23rd birthday, you are mine since then till forever on.
To Fakhirah Badrulhisham, a year and 2 days later, the world is ours.
There is this website where you can upload your face and whoever you want and they morph it into a baby picture who is technically of you and the picture.
Thanks to Fairuz, Hana’s hubby who put it up on Facebook, I spent good hours getting my baby pictures! Hahaha! By the way, Hana and Fairuz’s baby is so so adorable. Hana, I hope your time will come soon so I can gigit your baby! Hehe!
So I put up this picture :
And this picture of Sam :
And it morphed a baby that looked like this :
SO CUTE! Hehehe!
And if I use this picture of Sam:
I would get this :
Hahahahaha! Comel!
Sam : I suke anak yg first tu, yg second ni chubby.
Me : You tak suke ke anak chubby?
Sam : Suke, tapi nanti I ejek dia selalu. Hehe.
Haih, apa-apa lah Sam! We’ve got a long way to go before anything of that sort happens. InsyaAllah God will allow the union between us to take place. Amin.
There are things in this world that you can’t really form any shape to it but you can feel and you can only trust in it.
Like, Love.
I remember a boy once told me that every guy has a magic box that a girl can pour her heart into. He told me his box would never break from holding everything that I can pour. His box can take anything at any amount from me.
We lost contact 2-weeks after that. Right after he told me he likes girls with big boobs. And how his ex-girlfriend french-kissed him and 4 of his friends and rated them. Apparently, he was 6 out of 10. Oh yes, and he’s got a lot of ex-girlfriends that he can hardly remember, and some of them would say HI, but he would be like Who?? What? and he only remembers those who goes topless for him.
Oh yes, we were 15.
He told me all these crazy stuff because, as he said, “I think you are the girl who will change me into a better guy.”
Still 15. Fresh from PMR. A week after PMR in fact.
To which a girlfriend of mine warned, “He said the same thing to this other girl before, when they got together one time, he’s such a liar.”
Okay, and that happened when they were 13.
Despite all that, his imaginary ‘magic box’ left a big impact on me. I am generally generous with showing my emotion to the person I love/have crush on/dotted on/etc. So this imaginary box helps me put things in perspective. Either by imagining them bursting at the seam or overflowing, I could adjust my emotion accordingly, by not coming on too strongly, or quit texting or waiting, and stop daydreaming.
It has been 3 years now since I last put that magic box in my mind. But, I guess now is the right time to put it back in picture. I have yet again have to learn how to properly stack my emotion accordingly inside that box, because in the end, no matter how big or strong that magic box is, it doesn’t last forever.
I think I might taken a big strong magic box for granted, and now I have to treat it with extra care, to make sure I don’t rip the seam, before it is too late to fix anything at all.
I get emotionally attached to films, whatever it is I watch, that’s why it’s usually an intense and heavy task for me to go through and I prefer light comedy that insults intelligence.
I watched Lord of The Rings again the other day, and was so absorbed with the whole world – the Middle Earth, Rivendell (Arwen’s home), Lothlorien (Galadriel’s forest) and the Shire. I don’t have much thought and attachment to Mordor and other grim places.
Rivendell - where Elves dwell.
It was like watching Avatar. My heart and my soul just crave for that extremely beautiful world, and I guess everyone does, that it aches so bad for the yearn of it.
I was also deeply entrenched to the love story of Arwen and Aragorn which actually began before the period of the Fellowship of the Ring.
Arwen is actually the descendant of an elf-maiden who married a mortal and became one as well. She had the choice of becoming human had she wanted to, but before meeting Aragorn, Arwen had no reason to choose the world of Men, when she can live with Elrond, her father in the Elven world of Rivendell and Lothlorien ( Galadriel’s place and oh, Galadriel is Arwen’s grandmother).
Lothlorien was the place she betrothed herself to Aragorn, choosing to live with him in this mortal life and said :
‘I would rather live one life with you then live the immortality without’.
*tears about to drop*
So, there is that scene in the Fellowship of the Ring when she gave him her necklace, and gave up her immortality.
Her father, Elrond, envisioned a depressing future of her – wearing black cape, depressed and alone , wandering in the forest, and a vision of Aragorn dead on a marble slab. Elrond was dead against Arwen and Aragorn, even though he had high regards for Aragorn, he loves Arwen too much to let her go and suffer the grief of death. Arwen was at first convinced by her father, and with the danger of Sauron, reluctantly agreed to fled to Valinor (the Undying Land – where Frodo went at the end of the movie.)
The Depressing Vision of Elrond
But Arwen saw something else – she saw a son which would be named Eldarion. She saw him as she was riding on a horse, ready to head for Valinor. Arwen saw this little boy running across her path, and Aragorn chasing him, and hugged him. The boy looked straight into Arwen’s eyes, and Arwen saw that he was wearing the pendant necklace she gave Aragorn. She would also give birth to two daughters.
Vision of her son and Aragorn.
After the marriage, in the third saga of the story – the Return of the King, both Aragorn and Arwen lived blissfully happy for the next 120 years, with Legolas and Gimli as well.
The happy life that would last 120 years.
Aragorn began to feel death by the 120th year after he was crowned as King, and bid eternal love and farewell to Arwen. Arwen suffered greatly, just as how her father had warned.
Aragorn’s death
A year later, she bade farewell to her children and wandered to Lothlorien, the place where Arwen and Aragorn pronounced their love and where Arwen betrothed herself to Aragorn. All the elves in Lothlorien had sailed to Valinor. So, she was alone, in grief and just laid herself at the spot where she and Aragorn promised their lives for each other and died.
Arwen died alone of grief and broken heart.
After Aragorn’s death, Legolas built a Grey Ship and he travelled in it with Gimli to Valinor. One would ask, why couldn’t Arwen follow Legolas to this land?
Elrond realized Arwen lost the will to live as an Elf.
It is because Arwen had given her right to the land. She had chosen to become a mortal. She had lost the will of life to life as an Elf. This was shown in the scene where Elrond took her hand and it was cold and said ‘ the life of Eldar is leaving you’, to which she answered, ‘..no ship will bear me hence’.
Lothlorien – where the Love began and ended.
Haha, seriously. Tolkien did not set out the Lord of the Ring for their love story!! But, don’t you just adore great, eternal and true love?
Like, the love story of Taj Mahal. Sigh, that’s another love story altogether and my heart needs a rest from grieving over this fictional tale of Arwen and Aragorn.
I love true love stories. The sacrifice and endurance, and passion and patience and all the sweet moments that just make you melt and shiver and go all gooey and warm. Sigh
Sometimes I feel like not wearing my Hijab and just walk down the road.
But I know I shouldn’t, so I would just have to gulp down any desire for it and walk with a cloth over my head.
I hope one day I would never ever think of taking it off.
I bought two bags of cookies and a tub of strawberry trifle because I am so tired and I need fuel.
I have also managed to rip my new leggings right on my bum, because it snagged on a rough surface of the staircase in the lecture hall – I was late thus the seat on the staircase.
I am also wearing mini dress with cardigan – which means my skin at the back have no protection against blowing wind.
Plus, I feel that familiar monthly ache in my uterus. I have no protection against it what’s with the ripped leggings and mini dress.
Yesterday, I had a small intention to stop wearing this skin-tight garment but decided today I should just ignore it. I guess this is a warning card.
On another note, today is my first Jurisprudence topic of Religious Secular Dilemmas! We will discuss about Shari’a. Yeay!
In the rhythm of life, there is a soprano that lifts you up and makes you skip along the pavement and bass that gives beat consistently through out, and an alto that takes you along from note to note, creating beautiful music that you dance along all your life.
If I have a song that makes me safe and happy – it will be the song for my love, Shamin. My favourite part of the day is when school’s over and the sky turns tones darker and the wind getting chillier – it is when the burden of the day has been lifted of me and I am walking back home – the only place I could seek comfort and retreat with pleasure.
That is when I hum under my breath and sing a little love song for Shamin.
It makes me happy, and it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel all warm as if he has his arms around me from thousands of miles away.
We are reaching our 3rd year anniversary as an item
And I recall the day we finished our A-levels, sat next to a longkang, overlooking a green field, both hearts beating excitedly.
“So, kite ni apa?”
“Uhmm..taknak you jadi girlfriend I”
“Oh..”
“Sebab you bukan girlfriend..you isi hati”
Today, while deciding on what to eat and strolling along Seven Sisters road, behind our house, we found a small Japanese restaurant amidst the row of kebab shops, second hand stores, little grocers and dodgy back alleys. Weird and out-of-place.
Hana Japanese Restaurant.
It looked dark from the outside, and we were in doubt of its quality. The restaurant was really quiet and empty. We were the only customers and the owner greeted us politely and enthusiastically - a true Japanese man.
He lighted the restaurant, turn up the music (his choice of music was excellent – we were amazed he put on songs we listen to on our own I-pods). The room was bathed in yellow light, with Oriental-themed chandeliers and lamps.
And then, it became a perfect, romantic lunch for us. Just us, the sushi maker in his kitchen, chandelier lights, Japanese geisha dolls, Sakura flowers and all the attention and service of the owner – while watching the sun set from the window.
Happy by our ‘discovery’, Sam then said : I always discover new things with you. I like exploring London together
Anyway, food was awesome The salmon sashimi is so fat and cut thickly – and fresh! His salmon maki is filled with avocado – giving a buttery smooth finish as you chew it. And his rice is just perfect too. We had hard time deciding whether it was better than Taro – maybe the sushi yes. The tempura at Taro is still better.
Oh,yes. Sam received something from someone
And tonight, Sam left for Cardiff. It’s been 5 hours since we said good bye, and I have already missed him 
Today Sam started packing his stuff. Loads of magazines, toys and junks to be shipped back home. He even bought those bubble wrap thingy to wrap his plastic toy Transformers! What? I understand bubble-wrapping the mum’s tea cups, but toys? plastic toys? really?
‘Hey, I love my toys. Coming to London is like reliving my childhood dream.’
So I guess owning 14 pairs of shoes is like reliving a man-diva’s dream, huh?
Sam is really, really, really stylish. Lately he wants to be immaculate, classy and thinks he’s from the wrong era. He should be where Audrey Hepburn roam London and pipes are cool.
From the picture, I could already detail out his shoe-evolution.
The lowest of the low to the highest peak :
1. His selipar Jepun
2. Black Loafers by Police from Malaysia
3. Skate sneakers by Es from Malaysia
From his London range:
4. Navy Blue Skate Vans Mid-cut TNT
5. Chris Haslam Sabbathon Globe skate shoe
6. America Transist Ed Templeton Shoes
7. Green Vans Era
8. Red stripe and Blue Vans Era
9. Vans Ozzy Osborne Slip-On in Red
10. Pink Boatshoe
11. Vintage Brown Suede Shoe
12. Paul Smith Lavender Leather Brogues
13.Vans Parra Era (5 pounds at car-boot/ RRP : 50 pounds)
14. Clark’s Original White Leather Brogues.
He’s happy that I am archiving his shoes collection 
I love your fashion style b