I saw a very beautiful woman walking elegantly towards me.
Long robe and black veil with pretty beadings.
Red lipstick.
I saw her walking towards the ubiquitous red telephone box.
Littered with Subway wrappings and waste cans.
She dropped her sling purse to the ground and sat down.
By the telephone box. And pulled out what seem like a piece of white cardboard.
She was shredding small pieces from it.
I almost stopped by to tell her that she can just pray at LSE’s prayer room rather than praying by the sidewalk.
I stood by a corner, contemplating. Waiting. Watching. And walked back towards her.
She was begging.
Her red lipstick was gone, and in her hand, a tattered Starbuck’s cup, jagged and torn by the rim.
What made a lady such as herself go to the extreme measure of taking on the street for money?
I asked.
Her voice was unlike the voice of others. She was not asking for sympathy.
Her nose had a trail of dried blood.
With pride, in a dignified tone, she answered. Her voice deep, her eyes sharp, piercing up to mine. They were clear olive.
She is so beautiful.
I am from Kosovo. I have three children to feed. And rent to pay.
With perfect English accent.
I was ultimately humbled. Desperate situation calls for desperate measure.
She was clearly desperate. It shone through her eyes. You can see her jaw tightening at being in a situation like this. Her face tout with dignity.
It just makes me numb to the core by how fragile we all are. It could easily been me or you, wearing our nice clothes but swallowing our pride to beg by the street to salvage a bit of money to go on.
I shudder at the thought. And at the fact that it is so easy for God to take it all away. Nothing in this life is ours, except for the things we do, good or bad. I felt overwhelmed by a rush of sadness. Which always makes me feel void.
I pray that with her destitution, she will be more favorable in Akhirah. Allah will ask us 5 questions when we face Him. Two of them is regarding our rezeki.
1) Your life and how you spent it.
2) Your youth and how you spent it.
3) What you do with the knowledge you acquire.
4) Your money and where you got it.
5) Your money and how you spent it.
People who had difficult lives, living on money just enough to cover basic necessities would not have a tough time answering the final two questions. It is the people with money who would face long trial, justifying every cent of his or her money.
A rich person would have either a really bad time if he could hardly find any good thing to sing praise with his money; or would be ultimately glorious when he is rewarded for all the wonderful things he had done with the money in his life.
I was just thinking if I could ever justify the little things I like but don’t need and things like expensive lingerie, magazines and a whole load of other unnecessary stuff (but totally necessary now!)! I do pray that God will not be angry with the clothes, shoes and bags I buy since I do use them, and try to reduce waste by selling them off or donate them to charity when they become unloved. I am just thinking how embarrassed I will be in front of Him, trying to justify why I need to buy them. I hardly think ‘Oh, I didn’t really need them, but it was on sale..’ would be a dignified excuse to give.
I guess in the end, it is all about moderation. And everyone has their own level of moderation. So someone’s level of moderation may be another person’s lavishness and vice versa, but as long as you don’t waste and give some to charity and sadaqah with what you can, then hopefully, it will be a plus point in our later life.
It will be so amazing when there are some of the money, when we come to answer for them later, was used for good. ‘Yeay, yes, this one I give to the man who was hungry outside the tube station’. Or for people collecting money for charities. Or for your mum at home. Or helping a poor vendor. Anything.
The money we use is never a loss if we can make them useful either now or later by spending it on necessary items in life, or for sadaqah where InsyaAllah, it will be returned with reward in Akhirat.
Wallahualam.
Congratulations.
I have accidentally deleted my essay draft on Microsoft Word.
Great!
I missed Cardiff Euro Games, did work through out the weekends, only to click on the box that says :
No, I have saved all the documents I need.
So, Word didn’t give me a second chance. It threw away my Auto-save document. One tiny document.
And then my eyes swiftly glance at the document, and wondered what document did I open recently.
I feel another heart attack coming.
My baby. My essay draft. All that points I brainstormed while listening to Maksin mrvica’s Cubana. All the reading list of journals that I want to include in my essay, and little snippets of points and elaboration which I jot down. And of course, summary of cases which I needed to get my essay done.
Now I have 3 days.
Very Naice.
I would like to share with you 2 amazing photos I have seen today.
This vibrant photo of the lovebirds is truly adorable and reminds me so much and me and *ahem* sam. Like depicted above, he is slightly taller and the lady seem a bit more,err, puffier ;)*coo*
This picture is heart wrenching. Oh, the so many homeless people I have seen on the street of London with only the glow of love from their dog’s eyes that warm them through cold winter night, it’s really unfortunate that there are still homelessness everywhere when the world is so so rich. This picture is of a man in Toronto, however, not London. People have noticed him for about 2 years around town before his dad commented on this picture at Flickr to notify him of his son’s whereabouts! His mum also pleaded with a homelessness group in Toronto to help locate this poor man. Luckily, the man and his mother was reunited again after that. If only all homeless people can be reunited with someone who still cares for them..
Sometimes I feel like not wearing my Hijab and just walk down the road.
But I know I shouldn’t, so I would just have to gulp down any desire for it and walk with a cloth over my head.
I hope one day I would never ever think of taking it off.
a man came and asked for a bit of my time to ask me some questions. a random student survey in a library.
the man asked me what is the most important thing in life for me.
i said, faith. faith in my religion.
the man asked his second question.
100 years ago, almost everyone would say ‘God’ as the most important thing. Why do you think that’s changed?
i said, i don’t know. it hasn’t changed for me.
he said, you said faith. not God.
i said, it is the same thing. I have faith in God.
He asked,if you can ask for one thing from God, what would it be?
I said, i wish i hadn’t been born, and that i could go to heaven straight instead.
he asked me why.
i said, because i dont want to wake up from death in solid regret. it would be unbearable.
he said, well everyone has to go through this life so it is only fair. he asked me what regret?
i answered, regret that i did not keep my promise to God. my soul had made promise to God before it was born. i dont know if i would wake up fulfilling it after i die. im a pessimist now, so.
so u believe in afterlife?
yes.this life is like a dream. have you ever dreamt something so good or so awful but when you wake up it is insignificant? life is insignificant when you wake up after you die, like a dream.
he asked, is this a teaching from your faith? or did you make it up?
i answered, no, it is just something i strongly feel about. i always feel dreams are real. just like this life seem real.
the man asked, if i go to heaven then, would i remember i am John? why would i want to go to heaven if i cant have my identity?
i answered, you would remember. your soul remembers. you were a soul before being blown into a fetus. you would remember. that, and the promise you made to God.
but if i cant remember my promise, how do i fulfill it, and does everyone know?
i said, no, no one remembers it. but it is to live this life for God, generally.
how do you know it is true?
because i have the Qur’an to back it up. And prophets like Muhammad (pbuh) and Jesus and Moses and everyone else.
why do you think people in UK nowadays don’t say God is the most important thing?
because it is easier to live in a secular state and separate your soul and your body and just live in this world.
Thank you for your time, i will let you go back to your work.
First March : Mad 10-weeks race to final exam!!
You know in SPM year teachers always organize intense study sessions and give them powered up names so students get all panicky and start hyperventilating with cold sweats and heart attack and wish their life would be done and over with since it seems like it would be anyway if you don’t sweat blood for SPM? No? What, really? In my school, the motivational camp was called ‘Kepung dan Pulun’, which literally means ‘Surround and WORK HARD!’ Teachers would gather students in a big hall, surround them and force-labor them into studying. No heads turn away from books or else!!
I have created my own motivational camp. It’s called FORTE.10. I know, I know, it sounds lame. But it works for me. My brain needs trick to lead itself into believing that I am in that geared up situation to pick up momentum and STUDY. The tagline for this motivational camp would be : Building Up my study forte!! 10 is for the 10 weeks, of course. This sounded better than my first term motivational camp, which was C.Y.G!!! (please pay attention to the exclamation marks when reading it out loud) which means COVER YOUR GROUND!! Basically, cover my first term stuff – with a punch*exclamation marks*
Ok, it is ridiculous. I agree. But I will feed my brain and psychology anything to make sure I study.
Sigh. But it seems like March knows no rest. I have filled up on all my weekends in March with something. Last week it was Soap Cabaret. This weekend would be Amazing Race London Edition, next weekend will be Cardiff European Game and teams from Germany and France will be there – I will be there, right there by the football field – oh, to support my house mates – Emir and Imar. And the week after that, my Company Law coursework submission. And of course, with society, reunion, filling up forms for some admission, and an ELSE Experiment session (I could walk away with 20 pounds for being a guinea pig for economical experiment – that’s a new jacket for me!) along with lots and lots of reading for tutorials – PHEW. I am still gulping enough air on the relaxation beach before taking in the plunge – tomorrow. TOMORROW!! Promise!! ..and then a weekend of pure relaxation before…
FORTE.EASTER!! Tagline : One month drilling session for FINAL!!
YOU CAN DO IT YES YOU CAN!!
Okay. I am done psycho-ing myself into hard-core study session. I just have to sleep on it now. Tomorrow, it will function like a robot. Ready to execute any orders. Tomorrow. Promise?
..promise.. *meek*
Zzzzzzzzzz…
You lose yourself once you start to follow others.
A great empire can fall down to its knee once it allow itself to imitate others. The Ottoman Empire was once so powerful, the British saw it as a great challenge to its world dominion quest. We would be speaking Arabic now had Ottoman resisted the influence of the West. The strength of the Ottomans withered when it started to emulate the fashion of the British.
It was simple. How do you penetrate a strong empire such as the Ottoman? Their military armies were the best in the world, their spirit and love for Ottoman can never be waived and they will fight to the last drop of blood. The West quietly inject poison through its core instead. By introducing fashion.
The Ottomans used to wear Turkish garments, elaborate and proud with majestic turbans and beards. The West brought in suits – smart shirt, coats and trousers. It was just a small introduction which has domino effect onto everything else (amongst other things, of course). Once the people started to look to this new type of wear as modern and forward, that is when the society crumble from within. That is when the British ruled supreme, and when they make the whole world believe in the ‘White Supremacy’.
Being proud of who you are is an important essence of being truly you. Filter the influence that comes your way, know which one is good for you and your faith and which ones that need to be chucked away. It is alright to look up to a person whom greatly inspire you, but remember that it is more important to be who you are – a core being with your own depth, values and faith but enhance with the things which you see in others that you feel could positively inspire you.
I believe everyone has their own way to God, to Heaven and to the End. Not everyone can go through the same route – God has put us each in their own way but ultimately it should all lead to Him. Some may be rosier, some maybe merrier and some maybe dreadful. But in the end, what we all want is when we die, we smile at the flashback of our life.
p/s: I’m no historian so I believe all the historical anecdotes that people talk about in their speeches and talks. Hehe. Pardon me if there is any error with the historical context 
I hope I have not just bulldozed my way through history just to get my point across. Sheesh!
I bought two bags of cookies and a tub of strawberry trifle because I am so tired and I need fuel.
I have also managed to rip my new leggings right on my bum, because it snagged on a rough surface of the staircase in the lecture hall – I was late thus the seat on the staircase.
I am also wearing mini dress with cardigan – which means my skin at the back have no protection against blowing wind.
Plus, I feel that familiar monthly ache in my uterus. I have no protection against it what’s with the ripped leggings and mini dress.
Yesterday, I had a small intention to stop wearing this skin-tight garment but decided today I should just ignore it. I guess this is a warning card.
On another note, today is my first Jurisprudence topic of Religious Secular Dilemmas! We will discuss about Shari’a. Yeay!