Same day last year, I had a stressing day of unfortunate events. I even wrote there :
“I shall now fear 25th February”
Of course, I had completely forgotten about it..until today. Yes, that’s right. 25th February, a year later.
I was just complaining to Aisyah about such miserable day I was having, when I remembered it’s Fahimah’s birthday today, which means it was the same day as last year!
I quickly went through my blog archive and there :
25th feb. the unfortunate day, 22 years after fehy was born
icing on the cake of horror
Right.
So yesterday, I went to Pak Mat’s fashion rehearsal, all eager to take a photo-journal of his preparation for UCL MODO Fashion Show 2010 that I switched my tutorial time for it, and had taken countless photos of him adjusting his dresses on his models and the models cat-walking and candid photos of Pak Mat surrounded by other designers and models and his own masterpieces and shots of models’ eyes in his fabulous headgears and feeling all professional crouching down low at the cat-walk aisle snapping every single angle and pretty cool wearing mini denim skirt over leggings and a white top with a massive Russian fur hat and a destructive looking camera in my hand – with huge lense.
Only to discover the camera had no memory card.
Heart Attack number one : “NO MEMORY CARD” flashing on the screen.
After my blood came back to my poor paled face, and jaw clamped together again, I decided I need to binge to get over that down moment. Even Pak Mat was down! He could have brought his humble digital camera had he known my animal of an SLR was useless.
And then, a disastrous kitchen night. Have I told you I am a good cook? Not extraordinary or crazy wicked or anything, but a good cook? Not decent good cook, but a GOOD COOK?
So I thought a new recipe would be nothing. Only to end up with a super-thick, super-salty meat dish and the meat was not even tender – and I am known for my skill at tendering beef!! AAAARGHHH!
Furthermore, I tut-tutted Emir when he cooked the rice, saying he puts too much water when he cooks rice, and said that’s why his rice is always slightly wet. So I taught him a new measurement to cook excellent rice – moist and soft.
MOIST AND SOFT? The rice turned out grainy. The boys were so amused by it they took turn eating the grainy rice and criticizing it. WHAT? I was like : WHY DO YOU GUYS EAT IT IF ITS HARD AND GRAINY??!!!
Tsk. Then I had to pour water in it and cook it again to soften up the rice.
And for it to be eaten with the salty, thick meat dish. And for once, in the Beaux-Art kitchen, a dish was left unfinished.
And today, waking up to a beautiful morning, feeling ultra-fresh albeit a slight sore throat, I received an email from a tutor having a go at me.
Nice. The world has gone slightly grey and my heart has a bit of unfamiliar pain in it. I blame hypertension and high blood pressure and the 10-weeks race to final exam.
Here’s to the end of the day.
Fahimah, I hope you have an AWESOME birthday regardless of what the day does to me. Hehe. I love you! HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY BON CHERIE!
I finished school late today, when the night had settled into every crook of London, a dusky black shadow that engulfs the street, illuminated by the studded jewels of orange lamp post.
For the first time ever, I had goosebumps at the back of my neck walking down the street towards Manor Gardens. Thick, heavy fog seemed to be nestling upon the sinister-looking branches, reaching out eerily towards you.
A distant cry of a hungry baby in the background along with constant scraping of my boots against the wet glistening road dragging my shivering self closer and closer to home, praying I would make it, has got to be my longest journey to safety .
And a hooded figure walking, neither towards you nor further away from you.
It is the London Jack the Ripper roamed.
When you can walk away from something, pushing all thoughts away, making your new journey fresh and light yet that horrible, intense feeling of being able to do so becomes a new burden that sinks your heart into a virtual dark pit that swallows your soul now and again.
It is that unbearable feeling of not being grounded to something.
It is like treading the world with air so light, it feels wrong. Human, by nature, has goals, motivation and passion to keep them grounded, with things and persons they love. And when one can lightly disregard this, it’s the feeling of unbearable lightness of being that gets to you. Example : try walk away from your best friend’s life – and you can do it, and make light of it, and ignore it, but it is that unbearable lightness of being that gets to you.
Milan Kundera writes this book with such intensity that it doesn’t punch your soul in a shocking way, but rather pin it to a rock-solid granite before stuffing it between something suffocating, thick and wet – like a cervix.
What I have written thus far is what I collect from my reading of it. The Wiki encapsulate it better :
The German expression Einmal ist keinmal encapsulates “lightness” so: “what happens but once, might as well not have happened at all. If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all”; if concluded logically, life ultimately is insignificant. Hence, because decisions do not matter, they are rendered light, because they do not cause personal suffering. Yet, simultaneously, the insignificance of decisions — ourbeing — causes us great suffering, perceived as the unbearable lightness of being consequent to one’s awareness of life occurring once and never again; thus no one person’s actions are universally significant. This insignificance is existentially unbearable, given that people want their lives to have transcendent meaning.
It has this issue of predetermined course of life – how our decision matter little since life takes its own course and we are wound-up to follow it.
Makes you aware of the mere mortality and insignificance of self. Not exactly in a depressing way,that. When you close the book though, you feel like a burden has been lifted of you and you are breathing fresh air.
Read it if you must.
The three sisters – minutes before the ceremony began.
For someone who has been through lots of ordeal in life, my sister is one soul who deserves the happy blessings on her engagement day! 
The simply beautiful dais for my sister.
She has also, non-chalantly, managed to bulldoze a lot of family tradition along the way. Which had caused a stir in the household but of course, my sister cheekily smile through it and aunts could only shake their heads. Hehe.
Demure.
She called for a dais for her to sit right in front of all the guest during the engagement proceeding instead of waiting daintily in her room (Aunt : “You’re going to parade yourself in front of the man’s family?” *terror-stricken horror at the shame of it*) , made arrangements with her friends (and me!) to throw pot-pouri to the man’s family when they enter walk towards the house (Aunt : “But it’s not a wedding! Why the elaborate welcome?”), wear bright clothes with awesome make-up by a make-up artist (Aunt : *shakes head* “Over!”)
Awesomeness.
And of course, take pictures with her fiance at the dais (which caused a tiny bit of frenzy but dealt with an arrangement not to have their photos taken as a couple, always with parents or people around them – seriously! as if they have never taken a couple photos outside the ceremony! Hehe!!)
Family sans Shen. And the new (tall) one – Ijat.
It was all very amusing, of course. My sister just smiled her way through it. Plus, our awesome cousins, her friends and I were there to support her through and through.
Cheerful faces with colorful potpourri made the welcome.
And I think all her younger cousins envied her bright, cheerful and happy ceremony. She got what she wanted, the way she wants it and it shows through her eyes, smiles and skipping footsteps (she literally skipped happily from her room to the dais, and shocked the entire room with her gaiety and lack of daintiness). And she sat in the dais with the first half-an hour demurely smiling and then the rest of the time smiling ultra-wide! Fuh!
The real deal 
Kakniim, you rock my world.
Kakniim and me.
Congratulations to Kakniim and Abang Ijat !
This is a story of the power of prayers.
It had been a disease of my heart to have doubt in the power of prayers. My mother always say, in whatever situation, when encountered by a difficult person or upon hearing of evil deeds of a person, pray that Allah SWT will give him hidayah. Light that will seek to uncover the truth to his own eyes.
But, I kept thinking, can you imagine, a zionist converting into Islam? Or someone who has been slaying Islam suddenly profess his love for Allah? I know the story of Khalid Al-Walid, a hero of the Quraysh clan against Rasulullah’ SAW’s uprising Islam who afterwards become the biggest asset of the Muslim army but it seemed unlikely that would happen in this modern time and age. Or so I thought.
This is a story of Daniel Streich. A Swiss politician who was against Islam, that he studied Quran through out his lifetime just so he can slander it. Little did he or anyone knows that it brings him closer to Allah. He was a strong leader in his political party in Switzerland with the main aim to ban minarets in Switzerland. He got it, by slight majority, the vote was with the ban. But, instead of rejoicing it, he proclaimed his belief for Allah and for Islam. He felt the guilt, the shame and the regret that he even desires to start laying foundation for the fifth mosque in Switzerland!
Alhamdulillah syukur. It is a feeling so beautiful. God works miracles in the most unexpected of ways. It is truly magic. I will never, ever, ever again have any skepticism to the power God has over His creation, and the power of Doa’ we have.
It is like finding a new weapon. Now, we can all pray for the non-believers especially those who attacks Islam with accusations and slanders to be given Hidayah – so they may uncover Truth and be as pure as a newborn again.
Ya Allah, may their hatred to Islam be the path that leads them to the knowledge of Truth. May their doubt for you be the discovery of what You truly are – for You are Most Gracious, Most Giving, Most Forgiving and Most Loving.
Have mercy on your humble slaves, for we are all trying to find our way.
Read this article about Daniel Streich :
http://www.nation.com.pk/pakistan-news-newspaper-daily-english-online/International/30-Jan-2010/Swiss-antagonist-of-minarets-embraces-Islam
ish ish ish..comelnye yusuf main dgn durian. bestnye!