I heard rowdy voices outside my window, and chesty laughters, so I went to the window and stood behind the curtain and peeked.
Two middle-age drunkards staggered by, supporting each other, hardly able to walk, wearing only polo t-shirts in this wee early in the morning. They leaned against my neighbour’s fence, where one of the panel of wood is broken at the top.
One of the drunkard, thumped loudly on the fence while his friend broke the panel further an pull off a plank of wood from the fence.
He started stabbing a bush with the plank while his friend laughed and hugged him, while trying to drag him away at the same time.
“That’s it, you’re done. We should go home”
“That’s it. I’m done. Let’s go home”
Drunks. They never make sense!
I remember as a little girl, I seem to get everything I want. I got the dollhouse, the sailormoon set I (I was such a HUGE fan, when Sailormoon came to visit One Utama I was amongst the first to go and told Sailormoon I am her number one fan, and she hugged me!) , roller blade, sleepovers, trips and anything else imaginable. I don’t remember any significant moment where the grieve of not getting what I want is so great that I still think of it now, or any m0ment when I sulk because no one bought me stuff. Well, that’s how I remember it anyway. Although, I believe my parents (and my sister) would probably remember the horror bits I might have roll on the floor crying, sulk or starve myself to protest (I think I might have done this once) all I remember is that I was definitely not a brat! No Way!! I never feel short of anything (except my height) , and they provide me with what I want, need and more!
The other day, I told them I’ve got a bit of spare cash, out of my scholarship money, I think I could just enough bring them here and visit me and my brother in London, and probably go to Paris or Andalucia for a short while. My parents studied in the US, so they never got to visit Europe before. Their answer was :
“No, go use the money for yourself. Travel all you can now, before you start working and build your own family. You wouldn’t have the time to go to places you can now, while you’re studying. Take the chance while you can.”
Unsatisfied with their answer, I prodded further : Really? You don’t want to come to the UK ? It’s really pretty, and I definitely have to bring you to Alhambra, its gorgeous! And it has all this rich Islamic culture and history that my mother would absolutely love! And it will be like a mini family trip!
” Well, if theres chance to go, we would love to go to your graduation ceremony, hopefully to see you happy and successful. ”
I could only smile.
Parents are really too much, aren’t they? 
You could never love them enough.
missing my happy family at home
Dont listen to the voices in your head.
You know when the night has turn to day, its wee hour in the morning, and your breath stinks of coffee, your eye lids heavy despite the caffeine, and your roomate is sleeping inside the too-comfortable duvet behind you? And you stare at your notebook/textbook/casebook/mac book/revision book, words swimming, and you can’t even tell the difference between a landlord and a tenant? You know you need to sleep, but you force yourself further? This is exactly when the lightbulb in my head use its final effort to dim up slightly and whisper wise words in my head.
“Maybe you need to ‘rest’. Oh no, of course you don’t mean sleep! No way! Just rest your body for a bit, so its nice and comfy in the duvet, oh! and bring along your study lamp because you can read better that way,take a short nap maybe, and then, you can wake up again in an hour or two!”
YEAH RIGHT! Other things this voice say:
- Maybe I should just go have a yogurt, and enjoy the sunshine. Just for awhile.
- I need to stretch, exercise and work out a bit. Its no good sitting crouched onto your books all day like that! Even my skin feels like its sagging away!!
- Close your eyes, its straining too much over the pouring words *always a trap*
- Oh!! What’s this knot in my hair? I need to comb my hair now! Oh! and why not pluck away at these strays while at that?
- what is Sam doing now? *rush to call*
- oh yucks! the floor needs vacuuming! oooh! and my closet needs tidying up!
- Found my black cardi! Goes perfect with my top! *goes on to try*
- * furiously scratching at marks left by double-sided tape on wall* the book says tenant in short lease must leave the house as it is found. Is this voluntary vandalism?
Farhana once saw me prostrate for way too long on the floor when I was praying,and assumed I fell asleep. And started asking me to get up and study! Then I got up to complete my prayer. She was like, OHH!! You’re praying!! HAHAHA! I had to stop myself from laughing so badly in my prayer!
I find a lot of ways to get distracted. It really doesn’t matter if I am at the library or at home. My mind wanders so far off ,to dream job, dream wedding, dream holiday, going back home, it really doesn’t matter where I am! I find this to be the best way ever :
Set your time limit. Say, 3 hours. Make sure you put everything else away or have it settled, like going to the toilet, praying, eating etc. Sit down, turn the laptop away, open your book and read. It is then you realise time does pass away slowly, and you won’t be too shocked when it’s suddenly 10pm! Set the time limit in your brain, then just GO!
This is also useful if you want to wake up at certain time. Just say the time you want to wake up to three times before you sleep. Make sure your brain digest the fact it has to wake up at whatever time you want. Once your mind accepts this, it will be easier for you to hear and actually WAKE UP to the alarm
So, good luck!!
*rush to shut down laptop*
Today the flowers are scattered on the ground, making pink our pathway. Exam is next week, and everything sync into a state of gloominess.
My heart is heavy not for me, but for another. Could you please push yourself to struggle harder for the love of me? My hope will stand strong as the last of flowers on the tree, hanging by bare thread, counting on you.
Everyone in the house is focusing hard on their studies now. Go to the living room and you can see Beda by her corner, either seriously doing work for a minute and laugh out loud with her friends on webcam on another she does her work with friends from all over the world! I guess it keeps her sane, having her friends and bestfriends on the screen, together working out math problems *urgh*, life, love and gossips! She sleeps at odd times and sometimes in odd sleeping attire, like her praying gown, halfway up her legs.
Shaz always study in her room, facing her wall. She would always be busy writing stuff on her notepad, and I would have to secretly tiptoe behind her back to go to her toilet. Because that’s where the comb and weight machine is. And I have a habit of checking myself everytime I eat something, or had a five minute dance or strecthes. Her door slams really loud, so again I would have to discreetly make sure it softly click when I leave. I dont think she ever realize I go into her room that often.
Farhana just reminds me of a bumbling bee. She goes out to the library almost every other day and she would : cook her meal while bathing and iron her clothes while thinking of what she should wear, put on her tudung while eating her food, and pack her books while cleaning up the dishes and then, wear her shoes while shouting at me to get her keys, with a grin. And comes back late at night, opens her computer and get her life updated, stressing on exam a bit, study for a bit more, and she would just suddenly be in the blanket the next time you turn around. And wake up really early the next day!
Me? I have to put my laptop outside my room to make sure I dont spend my day checking out online sale, and I eat eggs everyday, along with fish oil in oil form. It taste so yucks, I would pinch my nose while swallowing the oil, drink water, breath through my mouth, eat a spoonful of honey to make the smell go away, drink more water, breathe, let go of nose, and take deep breath.
Kak Nik adviced us to read one page of Al-Quran a day. InsyaAllah, our struggle will be met with success
Funny thing happened the other day at the 99pence shop. I wanted to buy knives, and they asked for my ID. I didnt have one on me, so she asked my age, if i was over 18. I said, *pfft* I am 23 years old. She sold it to me, when I went out, I realized something and I told Sam what happened and laughed,
“Hahaha, to think I thought I was 23!! Gosh!! I forgot my age!! I am 22!! How could I forget that and think I am 23?? tsk.I am thinking too far ahead!”
I went back home, and froze in front of my calendar. 10th May 2009 : 22 YEARS OLD!!
As if caught inside a time tunnel, and feeling incredulously out-of-the-world,I made another realization : I AM 21 YEARS OLD! I was so shocked to discover I am 21 years old, and suddenly I feel so young and realized I have been feeling so old!! 21!! I am 21!!! I was so convinced that I was 22! Where have the years gone???
I blame studying.
So exam is in 9 days. Everyday is the same to me now. But I enjoy studying, which is a bad sign, coz I should be hating it by now, not start to love it. That was an affair that should have started MONTHS ago!
Could I please start my 21-years-old life again?