si baby yusuf at one month old. i cant help staring at his face everyday and miss his little delicate features when im not! He is too cute. i think he looks like my brother, a bit. he has the same long eyes, but he also got their HUGENESS from my sister-in-law, who has really beautiful eyes! I can tell girls would all be charmed by his gorgeous eyes. and his uplifted lips, always curving a smile!
my brother said yusuf already knows how to pose. just look at the way he gives the camera sharp-eyes, pouty lips look! Being born with my brother already ready with his big black SLR, its really no wonder he’s come to term with the machine. babies are wise. he’s probably amused by his father fiddling with the camera and decide to make his life easier! I think yusuf is smart like that.
Here, yusuf makes a really happy, satisfied, sated face! Like he’s really enjoying his bath my sister-in-law is giving him. if i could put a bubble speech at him, it’ll be : shalalalala~ i love myself, i love my umi, i love my ayah~ lalala~ mari mandi~ he will be a really happy child, insyaAllah blessed by Allah always, here and thereafter.
he sleeps like an angel. from the pictures anyway. my brother did say he likes waking up at odd hours. shucks, babies. like my housemate beda said : babies are all cute so everything turns to awwww factor and you’d give the world to them. (and not turn to zombie when they wake up minutes after you last fed them, crying as if they’re really THAT hungry)
5 more months and ill be able to meet you!~ by that time yusuf, insyaAllah, would already be a really cute 6-monthers. yeay!
how can they sleep at night,
knowing they had destroyed homes
how can they sleep at night,
knowing someone had died in their hands
how can they sleep at night,
knowing they would be cold and hungry
how can they sleep at night,
knowing they make children cry
how can they sleep at night,
knowing someone is praying them dead
how can they sleep at night,
knowing such hatred
they can sleep,
because they dont know what awaits
they can sleep,
because they think its all a game
they can sleep,
because they think there’s no Judgment Day
they can sleep,
because they think it all ends in this world
they can sleep,
because they still don’t know
i fear the things you do to them, the horror and terror.
but i fear more, the things He will do to you, with horror and terror.
i dreamt about my grandmother. she gave a box filled with pink jewels. all hair ornaments and maybe some brooches. she said : hold it for me, and bring it to the afterlife. i asked her if i could wear it for a wedding. she said no. its not for now, its for then.
i pinched myself once in the dream. it hurt. and i was convinced that everything was real.
i saw a bird caged between a moving bicycle. its wheel caught her wing. i saw a sloppy clown amidst garbage pile, outside waterloo. the clown looked sad.
i shouted ‘chelsea’ in arsenal. my friends took a step back for fear of hooligans.
anne frank had dark hair. she died alone in the camp, separated from family. we only know her smiling.
i like train tracks that run hidden into trees. its like alice in wonderland following the trail into the rabbit hole. you never know where you end up.
a patch of green invites swarm of people, hungry for the sun.
people talk to me because they think my pretty brown eyes are real.
if we hold on together
There is a song etched at the back of my head, it is silently singing sweet harmony in my head, but i never got around to really listen.
i tried today. there is that song at the back of my head. it brings back a certain nostalgic memory that is so heavy for my heart to recall.
i remember only few words of the song. valley, mountain, birds.
washing our tears all away.
i searched and googled the lyric, went through pages and pages of weird music.
and then i found it. If we hold on together. Diana Ross. and memory came sweeping in flood of tears.
Hari Membina Azam CBN. when we sing songs including ‘Fikirkan Boleh’, ‘Standing in the eyes of the world’, ‘Greatest Love of All’, ‘Hero’ and ‘Heal the world’.
i remembered clearly singing this song at the top of my lung with mel and alin. we were in 3B, our class line was always next to the doors, so we get fresh forest air through out long hall ceremony, with monkeys and banana trees and huge canopy of trees and of course, the top of KL Tower. but never any abang ranger hutan in sight. darn.
andi i remember my much cherished 2 years in 2B and 3B. i remember astrinee and ian, my deskmates during the two years. joni, aina, farah and harvinder because they were always together, corrupting each other’s mind. and then ast, jazmine, azura, hazira, liyana salim always laughing, always have something to joke about everyone. even kai lin’s shiny legs under her pinafore. aini, nora, liyana J, zulfa, syazana, the two Joannes, adeline ang yg kurus dan tinggi, and janet yg super pandai! and of course, nik sarah, ranking! with her ronaldo and cheer! and everyone else who had made 3B TOO AWESOME. and shura and haz when we go to saujana together. and gossip about boys across the street. thank God those days had passed :p
sigh. i love girls school. i love CBN. i love how Pn. George always tried to make us ladylike. dont push your sleeve up, dont sit by the sidewalk, clean and pretty hair, chin up. I miss CBN days. there are lots of things that i missed out. and its really too bad i never got the duty to wash the fish fountain by the canteen either.
sometimes i do wonder if i should have stayed on and graduate my high school there. Because everyone knows the form 4 and 5 of CBN have all the fun. with the drama (the competition and drama drama), choral speaking, minggu bahasa, cheerleading, running around, sports day, mcD, and walking up bukit nanas. and getting paranoid everytime i use the shortcut because there might just be a druggie to chase me or something. and ooh, merdeka day . and wear sexy sari, all bare back and (flat) tummy showing with VERY PROUD PATRIOTIC FEELING.
and i will always remember my dear Anna. I pray God will bless you with His rahmah and berkat.
I guess, I could never really say I was satisfied with my 2 years in CBN. Who could? 2 years is a short time, as sweet as it is. But I am real glad I followed my sister’s footstepr and had 2 years worth of teenage life living as a CBNER 
And there’s always that saying : Once a CBNer, always a CBNer.
It’s ultimately cliched, but i sought the words and meaning dearly with all my heart.
the mexican man with long black dreadlocks was smiling and smirking like a fat cat with cream when i saw him in the queue at natwest. he had on a crisp dark gray suit, with polished black patent shoes and bowler hat perched on top of the dreadlocks that reached his knee. his moustache was clipped and smart, and his eyes twinkled.
he looked like one of those character in the mafia movie who just got a jackpot deal.
when it was his turn at the counter, he walked most proudly, with a really huge grin, carrying his battered looking duffle bag. i was already so curious, and he was talking loudly, naturally i couldn’t help but to listen.
‘ how can i help you today, sir?’ asked the man behind the counter professionally.
the man opened up his bag, and started scooping and piling up money on the counter! with the notes still tied with rubber by the bundle and stashed in clear plastic bags! oodles and oodles of 20 pound-notes, coins and other papers and such!
‘Oh my Lord! How’d you get this ,man? WOW!’ said the man behind the counter obviously couldn’t help to be professional anymore and chuckled at the amount of moolahs he would have to count for the smirking man.
The dreadlocked man chuckled along, swishing his hair, showing glint of the rings and chains on his fingers and wrists. all blings and gold and silver adorning him.
‘Got lucky for a bit mate’
i continued to stare and gaped with jaw wide open, as im sure everyone else dis as well,, until the man left the bank and i could have sworn his dreadlocks, as if with a life of its own, were wagging happily behind him, mocking everyone else whose notes seem to have shrunk with low self esteem.
i love those little darling delicious spring buds. when the sun stays a bit longer to shine on the tiny petals, and trees looking like cotton candy with soft pink blossoms growing straight from the trunk!
i must say it shocked me and still awe me until now. i have never ever seen a tree where its flowers grew straight from the barks without any green leaves in sight! just FLOWERS!
AWESOME. in malaysia, there are always flowers AND leaves together all year round.
we all know when the sun is shining, people smile a lot more. amazing when you think about it. these are the same people that glumly walked the grey sky of winter few months back with black coats and mundane faces.
but who would have thought even the metro policemen take on summer with style?
just as my boyfriend and i crossed the road across Hyde Park, two policemen inside their patrol van put on their speaker.
and started imitating Darth Vader..
*khooohuuu, khoohuuu* 
everyone stared for a second. then the patrol van merrily drove away, with trail of laughter echoing through their speaker.
happy, happy day
Here, yusuf makes a really happy, satisfied, sated face! Like he’s really enjoying his bath my sister-in-law is giving him. if i could put a bubble speech at him, it’ll be : shalalalala~ i love myself, i love my umi, i love my ayah~ lalala~ mari mandi~ he will be a really happy child, insyaAllah blessed by Allah always, here and thereafter.
he sleeps like an angel. from the pictures anyway. my brother did say he likes waking up at odd hours. shucks, babies. like my housemate beda said : babies are all cute so everything turns to awwww factor and you’d give the world to them. (and not turn to zombie when they wake up minutes after you last fed them, crying as if they’re really THAT hungry)
