Mad Dash March

First March : Mad 10-weeks race to final exam!!

You know in SPM year teachers always organize intense study sessions and give them powered up names so students get all panicky and start hyperventilating with cold sweats and heart attack and wish their life would be done and over with since it seems like it would be anyway if you don’t sweat blood for SPM? No? What, really? In my school, the motivational camp was called ‘Kepung dan Pulun’, which literally means ‘Surround and WORK HARD!’ Teachers would gather students in a big hall, surround them and force-labor them into studying. No heads turn away from books or else!!

I have created my own motivational camp. It’s called FORTE.10. I know, I know, it sounds lame. But it works for me. My brain needs trick to lead itself into believing that I am in that geared up situation to pick up momentum and STUDY. The tagline for this motivational camp would be : Building Up my study forte!! 10 is for the 10 weeks, of course. This sounded better than my first term motivational camp, which was C.Y.G!!! (please pay attention to the exclamation marks when reading it out loud) which means COVER YOUR GROUND!! Basically, cover my first term stuff – with a punch*exclamation marks*

Ok, it is ridiculous. I agree. But I will feed my brain and psychology anything to make sure I study.

Sigh. But it seems like March knows no rest. I have filled up on all my weekends in March with something. Last week it was Soap Cabaret. This weekend would be Amazing Race London Edition, next weekend will be Cardiff European Game and teams from Germany and France will be there – I will be there, right there by the football field – oh, to support my house mates – Emir and Imar.  And the week after that, my Company Law coursework submission. And of course, with society, reunion, filling up forms for some admission,  and an ELSE Experiment session (I could walk away with 20 pounds for being a guinea pig for economical experiment – that’s a new jacket for me!) along with lots and lots of reading for tutorials – PHEW. I am still gulping enough air on the relaxation beach before taking in the plunge – tomorrow.  TOMORROW!! Promise!! ..and then a weekend of pure relaxation before…

FORTE.EASTER!! Tagline : One month drilling session for FINAL!!

YOU CAN DO IT YES YOU CAN!!

Okay. I am done psycho-ing myself into hard-core study session.  I just have to sleep on it now. Tomorrow, it will function like a robot. Ready to execute any orders. Tomorrow. Promise?

..promise.. *meek*

Zzzzzzzzzz…

Posted: March 10th, 2010 under hello life! - No Comments.

You.

You lose yourself once you start to follow others.

A great empire can fall down to its knee once it allow itself to imitate others. The Ottoman Empire was once so powerful, the British saw it as a great challenge to its world dominion quest. We would be speaking Arabic now had Ottoman resisted the influence of the West. The strength of the Ottomans withered when it started to emulate the fashion of the British.

It was simple. How do you penetrate a strong empire such as the Ottoman? Their military armies were the best in the world, their spirit and love for Ottoman can never be waived and they will fight to the last drop of blood. The West quietly inject poison through its core instead. By introducing fashion.

The Ottomans used to wear Turkish garments, elaborate and proud with majestic turbans and beards. The West brought in suits – smart shirt, coats and trousers. It was just a small introduction which has domino effect onto everything else (amongst other things, of course). Once the people started to look to this new type of wear as modern and forward, that is when the society crumble from within. That is when the British ruled supreme, and when they make the whole world believe in the ‘White Supremacy’.

Being proud of who you are is an important essence of being truly you. Filter the influence that comes your way, know which one is good for you and your faith and which ones that need to be chucked away. It is alright to look up to a person whom greatly inspire you, but remember that it is more important to be who you are – a core being with your own depth, values and faith but enhance with the things which you see in others that you feel could positively inspire you.

I believe everyone has their own way to God, to Heaven and to the End. Not everyone can go through the same route – God has put us each in their own way but ultimately it should all lead to Him. Some may be rosier, some maybe merrier and some maybe dreadful. But in the end, what we all want is when we die, we smile at the flashback of our life.

p/s: I’m no historian so I believe all the historical anecdotes that people talk about in their speeches and talks. Hehe. Pardon me if there is any error with the historical context I hope I have not just bulldozed my way through history just to get my point across. Sheesh!

Posted: March 6th, 2010 under Islam, hello life! - No Comments.

One of those days..

I bought two bags of cookies and a tub of strawberry trifle because I am so tired and I need fuel.

I have also managed to rip my new leggings right on my bum, because it snagged on a rough surface of the staircase in the lecture hall – I was late thus the seat on the staircase.

I am also wearing mini dress with cardigan – which means my skin at the back have no protection against blowing wind.

Plus, I feel that familiar monthly ache in my uterus.  I have no protection against it what’s with the ripped leggings and mini dress.

Yesterday, I had a small intention to stop wearing this skin-tight garment but decided today I should just ignore it. I guess this is a warning card.

On another note, today is my first Jurisprudence topic of Religious Secular Dilemmas! We will discuss about Shari’a. Yeay!

Posted: March 4th, 2010 under being in love - No Comments.

The day has come again.

Same day last year, I had a stressing day of unfortunate events.  I even wrote there :

“I shall now fear 25th February”

Of course, I had completely forgotten about it..until today. Yes, that’s right. 25th February, a year later.

I was just complaining to Aisyah about such miserable day I was having, when I remembered it’s Fahimah’s birthday today, which means it was the same day as last year!

I quickly went through my blog archive and there :

25th feb. the unfortunate day, 22 years after fehy was born

icing on the cake of horror

Right.

So yesterday, I went to Pak Mat’s fashion rehearsal, all eager to take a photo-journal of his preparation for UCL MODO Fashion Show 2010 that I switched my tutorial time for it, and had taken countless photos of him adjusting his dresses on his models and the models cat-walking and candid photos of Pak Mat surrounded by other designers and models and his own masterpieces and shots of models’ eyes in his fabulous headgears and feeling all professional crouching down low at the cat-walk aisle snapping every single angle and pretty cool wearing mini denim skirt over leggings and a white top with a massive Russian fur hat and a destructive looking camera in my hand – with huge lense.

Only to discover the camera had no memory card.

Heart Attack number one : “NO MEMORY CARD” flashing on the screen.

After my blood came back to my poor paled face, and jaw clamped together again, I decided I need to binge to get over that down moment. Even Pak Mat was down! He could have brought his humble digital camera had he known my animal of an SLR was useless.

And then, a disastrous kitchen night. Have I told you I am a good cook? Not extraordinary or crazy wicked or anything, but a good cook? Not decent good cook, but a GOOD COOK?

So I thought a new recipe would be nothing. Only to end up with a super-thick, super-salty meat dish and the meat was not even tender – and I am known for my skill at tendering beef!! AAAARGHHH!

Furthermore, I tut-tutted Emir when he cooked the rice, saying he puts too much water when he cooks rice, and said that’s why his rice is always slightly wet. So I taught him a new measurement to cook excellent rice – moist and soft.

MOIST AND SOFT? The rice turned out grainy. The boys were so amused by it they took turn eating the grainy rice and criticizing it. WHAT? I was like : WHY DO YOU GUYS EAT IT IF ITS HARD AND GRAINY??!!!

Tsk. Then I had to pour water in it and cook it again to soften up the rice.

And for it to be eaten with the salty, thick meat dish. And for once, in the Beaux-Art kitchen, a dish was left unfinished.

And today, waking up to a beautiful morning, feeling ultra-fresh albeit a slight sore throat, I received an email from a tutor having a go at me.

Nice. The world has gone slightly grey and my heart has a bit of unfamiliar pain in it. I blame hypertension and high blood pressure and the 10-weeks race to final exam.

Here’s to the end of the day.

Fahimah, I hope you have an AWESOME birthday regardless of what the day does to me. Hehe. I love you! HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY BON CHERIE!

Posted: February 25th, 2010 under hello life! - No Comments.

Dark London

I finished school late today, when the night had settled into every crook of London, a dusky black shadow that engulfs the street, illuminated by the studded jewels of orange lamp post.

For the first time ever, I had goosebumps at the back of my neck walking down the street towards Manor Gardens. Thick, heavy fog seemed to be nestling upon the sinister-looking branches, reaching out eerily towards you.

A distant cry of a hungry baby in the background along with constant scraping of my boots against the wet glistening road dragging my shivering self closer and closer to home, praying I would make it, has got to be my longest journey to safety .

And a hooded figure walking, neither towards you nor further away from you.

It is the London Jack the Ripper roamed.

Posted: February 23rd, 2010 under london lovin' - No Comments.

the unbearable lightness of being.

When you can walk away from something, pushing all thoughts away, making your new journey fresh and light yet that horrible, intense feeling of being able to do so becomes a new burden that sinks your heart into a virtual dark pit that swallows your  soul now and again.

It is that unbearable feeling of not being grounded to something.

It is like treading the world with air so light, it feels wrong. Human, by nature, has goals, motivation and passion to keep them grounded, with things and persons they love. And when one can lightly disregard this, it’s the feeling of unbearable lightness of being that gets to you. Example : try walk away from your best friend’s life – and you can do it, and make light of it, and ignore it, but it is that unbearable lightness of being that gets to you.

Milan Kundera writes this book with such intensity that it doesn’t punch your soul in a shocking way, but rather pin it to a rock-solid granite before stuffing it between something suffocating, thick and wet – like a cervix.

What I have written thus far is what I collect from my reading of it. The Wiki encapsulate it better :

The German expression Einmal ist keinmal encapsulates “lightness” so: “what happens but once, might as well not have happened at all. If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all”; if concluded logically, life ultimately is insignificant. Hence, because decisions do not matter, they are rendered light, because they do not cause personal suffering. Yet, simultaneously, the insignificance of decisions — ourbeing — causes us great suffering, perceived as the unbearable lightness of being consequent to one’s awareness of life occurring once and never again; thus no one person’s actions are universally significant. This insignificance is existentially unbearable, given that people want their lives to have transcendent meaning.

It has this issue of predetermined course of life – how our decision matter little since life takes its own course and we are wound-up to follow it.

Makes you aware of the mere mortality and insignificance of self. Not exactly in a depressing way,that. When you close the book though, you feel like a burden has been lifted of you and you are breathing fresh air.

Read it if you must.

Posted: February 19th, 2010 under book review, hello life! - 2 Comments.

Kakniim’s Happy Day

The three sisters – minutes before the ceremony began.

For someone who has been through lots of ordeal in life, my sister is one soul who deserves the happy blessings on her engagement day!

The simply beautiful dais for my sister.

She has also, non-chalantly, managed to bulldoze a lot of family tradition along the way. Which had caused a stir in the household but of course, my sister cheekily smile through it and aunts could only shake their heads. Hehe.

Demure.

She called for a dais for her to sit right in front of all the guest during the engagement proceeding instead of waiting daintily in her room (Aunt : “You’re going to parade yourself in front of the man’s family?” *terror-stricken horror at the shame of it*) , made arrangements with her friends (and me!) to throw pot-pouri to the man’s family when they enter walk towards the house (Aunt : “But it’s not a wedding! Why the elaborate welcome?”), wear bright clothes with awesome make-up by a make-up artist (Aunt : *shakes head* “Over!”)

Awesomeness.

And of course, take pictures with her fiance at the dais (which caused a tiny bit of frenzy but dealt with an arrangement not to have their photos taken as a couple, always with parents or people around them – seriously! as if they have never taken a couple photos outside the ceremony! Hehe!!)

Family sans Shen. And the new (tall) one – Ijat.

It was all very amusing, of course. My sister just smiled her way through it. Plus, our awesome cousins, her friends and I were there to support her through and through.

Cheerful faces with colorful potpourri made the welcome.

And I think all her younger cousins envied her bright, cheerful and happy ceremony. She got what she wanted, the way she wants it and it shows through her eyes, smiles and skipping footsteps (she literally skipped happily from her room to the dais, and shocked the entire room with her gaiety and lack of daintiness). And she sat in the dais with the first half-an hour demurely smiling and then the rest of the time smiling ultra-wide! Fuh!

The real deal
Kakniim, you rock my world.

Kakniim and me.

Congratulations to Kakniim and Abang Ijat !

Posted: February 18th, 2010 under family and friends - 2 Comments.

Alhamdulillah!

This is a story of the power of prayers.

It had been a disease of my heart to have doubt in the power of prayers. My mother always say, in whatever situation, when encountered by a difficult person or upon hearing of evil deeds of a person, pray that Allah SWT will give him hidayah. Light that will seek to uncover the truth to his own eyes.

But, I kept thinking, can you imagine, a zionist converting into Islam? Or someone who has been slaying Islam suddenly profess his love for Allah?  I know the story of Khalid Al-Walid, a hero of the Quraysh clan against Rasulullah’ SAW’s uprising Islam who afterwards become the biggest asset of the Muslim army but it seemed unlikely that would happen in this modern time and age. Or so I thought.

This is a story of Daniel Streich. A Swiss politician who was against Islam, that he studied Quran through out his lifetime just so he can slander it. Little did he or anyone knows that it brings him closer to Allah. He was a strong leader in his political party in Switzerland with the main aim to ban minarets in Switzerland. He got it, by slight majority, the vote was with the ban. But, instead of rejoicing it, he proclaimed his belief for Allah and for Islam. He felt the guilt, the shame and the regret that he even desires to start laying foundation for the fifth mosque in Switzerland!

Alhamdulillah syukur. It is a feeling so beautiful. God works miracles in the most unexpected of ways. It is truly magic. I will never, ever, ever again have any skepticism to the power God has over His creation, and the power of Doa’ we have.

It is like finding a new weapon. Now, we can all pray for the non-believers especially those who attacks Islam with accusations and slanders to be given Hidayah – so they may uncover Truth and be as pure as a newborn again.

Ya Allah, may their hatred to Islam be the path that leads them to the knowledge of Truth. May their doubt for you be the discovery of what You truly are – for You are Most Gracious, Most Giving, Most Forgiving and Most Loving.

Have mercy on your humble slaves, for we are all trying to find our way.

Read this article about Daniel Streich :

http://www.nation.com.pk/pakistan-news-newspaper-daily-english-online/International/30-Jan-2010/Swiss-antagonist-of-minarets-embraces-Islam

Posted: February 4th, 2010 under Islam, earth news, hello life! - 2 Comments.

yusuf.

ish ish ish..comelnye yusuf main dgn durian. bestnye!

Posted: February 1st, 2010 under family and friends - 1 Comment.

Music.

In the rhythm of life, there is a soprano that lifts you up and makes you skip along the pavement and bass that gives beat consistently through out, and an alto that takes you along from note to note, creating beautiful music that you dance along all your life.

If I have a song that makes me safe and happy – it will be the song for my love, Shamin. My favourite part of the day is when school’s over and the sky turns tones darker and the wind getting chillier – it is when the burden of the day has been lifted of me and I am walking back home – the only place I could seek comfort and retreat with pleasure.

That is when I hum under my breath and sing a little love song for Shamin.

It makes me happy, and it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel all warm as if he has his arms around me from thousands of miles away.

We are reaching our 3rd year anniversary as an item

And I recall the day we finished our A-levels, sat next to a longkang, overlooking a green field, both hearts beating excitedly.

“So, kite ni apa?”

“Uhmm..taknak you jadi girlfriend I”

“Oh..”

“Sebab you bukan girlfriend..you isi hati”

Posted: January 27th, 2010 under being in love - 4 Comments.